It is late at night again, and usually this is the time when I think about my day, what I have learned, what the future will hold. And since I am still in front of the laptop, my thoughts are translated here, hahaha.
Encounters with family, relatives, and other people (personally or in the blogosphere/twitter-verse or what have you), oh plus discussion with my husband has made me realize things and all the more convinced me about my new take on material ambition/gain and leading a simpler life, by choice.
In the past I encountered such group of people who talked about nothing but what they had, what they have, and what they plan to buy. That was way back in college, and maybe in those times they thought it was cool to compare notes about their material inventory. I didn't want to be stuck in that group ("So, what watch are you wearing when you play golf?" "Oh, for golf I use my Santos but for everyday, the Pasha."), and so I left even if staying meant a ticket to high society. It was simply not my thing. Sure, our family lived a comfortable life after coming from humble beginnings, and though maybe I was exposed to this world, I was not that exposed. It's not like we're uber-rich anyway!
Zoom in to my life then as a young woman with a striving (and later on blooming career). I remember the time when I would save money just to buy my Wendy's baked potato after office. Then I remember the first 8k pair of shoes I bought. My quest for material things as well as exquisite gastronomic experiences and actually succeeding, to me, were signs of how far I've gone. My, from that Wendy's satisfaction, I sure did come a long way.
There were downs too, by the way. I have experienced being in debt (credit cards maxed and paying only the minimum), having my phone temporarily put on hold, and such things. These however were the result of the "I now work, I earn, and I want to buy everything!" mentality. Thank goodness I grew out of that phase immediately.
My career soared, and so did my standards (which were a bit high already to begin with). I rarely bought things such as bags and shoes, but these "few things" were rather expensive items. By the way, they are still with me, so no buyers remorse there. This was the phase in my life when I began to realize that I do not need so much, and quality is definitely more important than quantity. I was in the blissful zero-debt heaven plus a time deposit account to boot. What's more, I had my designer items, traveled, and experienced gastronomic heights. Without of course forgetting my love for Wendy's baked potato and my Samurai Food's Takoyaki.
Then I got married. And everything changed. I had my little angel and things changed all the more. Time and again I am being reminded by some of my crazy move to quit working and focus on being a home-maker. But then I realized, I have already experienced what it was like to be successful, to get what I want. Now, I want to experience life in a different path. I wanted to live a simpler life, free and detached from material yearnings. I was happy because I had what I wanted. I now wanted to experience happiness by wanting what I have.
I am no hypocrite though, sometimes I trip, and sometimes the temptation is just too great (yes, I do check out
admin job search from time to time). There are times when I feel bad and ask myself why I turned away from an opportunity for me to satisfy all my cravings, but I thank my husband primarily for reminding me always what is important.
And I really want a simpler life, a life of love, giving, and serving. Receiving is a blessing along the way.
I think this really will become a good experience for me to become a better person.
Like now, I have encountered some budgeting and financial bumps, but my goodness, what a feeling, the sigh of relief upon realizing that it's not so bad after all, and I just needed to do some few things and sacrifice others too.
Good experience, I say, because at least I know that in the future when real money comes in, hopefully I will be almost free from such attachments. Maybe this will be transferred though to my daughter hahaha. Kidding. But yup, I guess my time has passed already. But seriously, there are other things that I think of too, and it has more to do with giving and reaching out.
I may continue to talk about what catches my eye, the next it bag, what's in fashion, and good food - after all, these are what interests me. But at least I know I will not feel bad nor feel compelled to buy anything, because I will be happy with what I have and will have. There's a word right? Contentment. Not the "
hanggang dito na lang ako" type of contentment. More like, truly happy with the life I have, the life I chose.
And besides, I also wanted to prove to my husband that I can do it, not because I a forced to but again because I wanted to. No more jokes and comments like "Divisoria? There's no Tyler there" or "Let's go, I know
na ginagalis ka na" and also this "I didn't want to bring you or suggest this place
kasi alam kong gagalisin ka dun."
(Part II later on)
