The Boring Me?

Last night before I went home, I read again some of my very first posts in my blog and I was fascinated by the topics that I have written when I was 26 and decidedly single (hahaha do I have to stress the words decided and single? haha). From the Quarterlife Crisis blues to the question of becoming an old maid, there was so much uncertainty in me during those times. And it was fun...

Don't get me wrong, I love my life right now. However, there are times when I feel that I'm somewhat different now. Example, lately my blog topics have been blah topics made worse by blah writing (for me at least). There seems to be nothing much and nothing fun to write about. Is my life getting boring? Did I stop pursuing la joie de vivre? Does stability result in boredom?

Or is it that I am focusing too much on my problems and work, instead of seeing the world the way I see it before?

I have once read The Little Prince, and it mentioned something about the difference between grown-ups and children. This must have been a big impact on me because to see the world in the eyes of the child - awe, wonder, excitement, carefree, joy, hope - has been my attitude, up until lately (well that's how I feel, really). Or am I just worrying too much? But then again, the fact that I am worrying too much means something too.

Am I growing old?

Don't get me wrong, I do not have the Peter Pan mentality (the extreme one of not wanting to growing up). It's just that lately I have been very tired of things and I don't see and feel pleasure in those I have seen and felt pleasure before. Even (and most especially) in food (gasp!). I used to feel the richness, sniff the aroma, experience the moment of eating well. Now, I just eat.

Maybe I need to take time out from all my fears, problems, and thoughts about work (more than I should), and reflect why I have strayed from the "old me." I should probably read again all those books I have loved and cherished in order for me to get grounded yet again.

They say that life is what happens while you are busy. Heck, I don't want to miss the boat. I hope I haven't yet.

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Enrique's Tough Decision

*Sigh*

Enrique and I was able to talk last night after two days of being not ok with each other. I thought things are already ok - our wedding plans, immediate and future plans. And then he told me the news...

The Master onboard talked to Enrique and told him that he is recommending him for a promotion, provided that Enrique stays onboard at least until November.

Enrique's decision? Never mind the promotion, he will only stay until mid-October.

Reason? Because he feels that I need him badly in these times, and that he wants to help with the wedding preparations.

I was shocked, and my first reaction was... "But why? Go stay until November!"

He was a bit irritated at me and said that I should support him with all the decisions he made, makes, and will make. I asked him why he didn't consult with me, and all he said was that he just decided on it. It was later on that I realized that maybe he didn't ask for my opinion because he knows me, he knows how I think, and he knows that I will tell him to stay for the sake of his promotion. In the end, he asked me, "Aren't you happy you will see me soon?"

Of course I'm happy that he's coming home soon. But part of me was sad because I knew that because of me (me and my dang problems...), he is letting go of a promotion where only one more major step and he will become Captain. However, Enrique also told me that the Master will give him a strong recommendation for promotion so that in his next vessel assignment, he will be in that position.

My friend Liv told me that I should be thankful because it clearly shows that he prioritizes me above everything else. Yes, I am very thankful, but... *Sigh*

Anyway, all I can say is... I'm a so proud of my Enrique. I know and believe that he is a very talented, skillful, and smart person, and that opportunities are there always. I know God has better plans for both of us. Maybe now is not the right time, but I know that time will come when Enrique will fulfill all his dreams.

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Blog Look Revamp

Yet another revamp of the look of my blog.

*Sigh*

You know, a form of therapy to sooth my mind after a really gruelling week of hard work and challenges. I deserve a medal here at work. Good thing I like my job a lot, because... it is sooo not worth the pressure!

*Sigh*

Another rant. But then again.... like what my blog header says... I should be the "Carefree.Woman" that I used to be. And so I will. Tehehehe.

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Book Review: A Guide To Elegance

A Guide to Elegance by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux is a little elegant book that provides an A to Z guide on how to be and how to look elegant at all times. It is a light read, packed with do's, don'ts, and reminders, about topics from accessories to jewelry to shoes.

One would definitely find the book to be enjoyable, though at times one might feel that the guides are too strict or too outdated, especially if the reader has embraced a little bit of bohemian style. Yet, the reader would in the end understand that this book goes beyond fashion and trends. It is clearly about style, and as the title implies, about elegance.

The book may look elegant, the text well-written, but the question is, will you learn something from it? Yes, of course. A lot actually. For example, to have a small wardrobe with high quality and classic items is better than having a big one full of items that you would care less after a use or two. Another example, which serves as a reminder really, is that using a finger to dislodge a particle between your teeth is a serious crime against elegance. So yes, you will learn a lot. But you have to read the book twice or more in order for the do's and don'ts to sink in.

Some Quotes from the Book

On Chic
The essence of casual refinement, chic is a little less studied than elegance and a little more intellectual. It is an inborn quality of certain individuals, who are sometimes unaware that they possess it. Chic is only perceptible to those who have already acquired a certain degree of civilization and culture and who have in addition both the leisure time to devote to improving their appearance and the desire to be part of a particular kind of elite, which might be called the "aristocracy of external appearance."

On Discretion
A person who has really succeeded in life no longer feels the need to attract attention, and perhaps this is why so many very wealthy and prominent women become more and more conservative in their dress.

On Fashion
No woman can be elegant if she tries to combine in a single outfit the inspirations of several different designers. A fashion ensemble is not the Reader's Digest.

On Luxury
It may be interpreted to mean superfluous, expensive, refined, extravagant - in any case, it is a word that caresses the ear as well as the imagination. Its sense is therefore completely subjective. perhaps the idea of luxury stems basically from a comparison between the minimum standard of living of one group and another. For many women, the sensation of luxury comes simply from the possession of an object that her friends do not own.



Rate: 4 out of 5.

Where to Buy:
- Amazon.com
- Powerbooks
- Fully Booked

Other Books to Read:
1. Entre Nous by Debra Ollivier (A Must Read! 5 out of 5)
2. Audrey Style by Pamela Clarke Keogh, Hubert de Givenchy (A Must Read! 5 out of 5)

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"The Sister I Never Had"

"I love Dorina... She's the sister I never had..."

What the??? That was the killer and heart-breaking statement of Niko when Zosimo asked if he likes Dorina.

Hehehe. I know, I know, another dose of Bituing Walang Ningning. I shouted when I heard that and felt sorry for Dorina. Now I'm not sure if they will end up together, just like in the movie.

Anyway, going back to the real life, I just thought right now, was I ever placed in that situation when I got to like a guy, and that guy just considered me the sister he never had? Did I ever experience that? Not that I recall, but if ever, I would have probably sulked and cried a river. I don't know which is much worse: liking a guy but the guy doesn't like you back; OR liking a guy, and the guy likes you too, a lot really... as a sister. Dang.

I did however have a couple of experiences when I madly fell in love with a guy, but the guy was just too jerky to go on to the next level (hahaha snooty me). Some of my friends actually told me that I have this habit of liking really jerky guys, guys who would want to know first if the girl likes them before they do something. Or guys who like you but are afraid that he would be un-cool to the eyes of his peers if they find out he digs you. But then of course, that was during college days.

Going back to Bituing Walang Ningning... I think I have to go home now so I can watch the next episode. I'm sure Dorina will pour her heart out to his real mother Rosa Mia. And I still hope that in the end, it would be Niko and Dorina. I love those kinds of endings. Predictable, but still nice. And if that really happens, I hope Dorina will have at least a small amount of "evil" thought and say... SISTER MY ASS!

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Weekend Escapades

Last week was yet another rollercoaster ride for me, made longer by the declared non-working holiday yesterday...

SATURDAY

Grandfather's Condition
My grandfather was rushed to the hospital late last week. I spent whole day in the hospital. Upon seeing him when I went to the ICU, I broke down into tears, as I'm not used to seeing him in that condition. But he was able to talk to me, and even asked when our wedding will be held. He told me not to cry. He said that he's ok, though he feels weak. :-(

First Facial... Ever!
Late Saturday afternoon I went to the VMV shop in Powerplant for my first facial appointment. I got curious a week before, and so I just went on and made an appointment. The first part of the facial was really nice and soothing. Then... BAM! What the??? No one told me that those dang facials can be sooo painful! I was just shocked at the first, hmm what do you call it, prick(?) of a microscopic whitehead in my forehead. The whole time, about less than 10 minutes, tears rolled down my face, as I endured each and every prick the dermatologist made. Maybe my tolerance to that kind of pain was very minimal, and honestly, that kind of pain was so not worth it. I mean, I really don't have problematic facial skin, except for these very tiny blackheads in my nose, so enduring that kind of ordeal was really very... sigh... dang. Whatever. Maybe I will continue getting facials, but not the pricking part. Oh well. But for those who need facials and are addicted to them, VMV does a great job, really!

Fully Booked
After the facial, I went to Fully Booked to check out the latest releases, and I ended up staying there for about 3 hours! However, i was onyl able to buy one book, "French Women Don't Get Fat." Yup, I read this book last year when it was released, but I wasn't able to buy it... lack of funds hahaha! I managed to read it though because I spent the whole time in Powerbooks reading it. Hehehe. Bad bad bad! So anyway, I got my own copy, and it realyl was a fun read. Didn't finish the book yet though. But i do plan to make a review on it.

Dinner at Kulinarya
I had dinner alone in Kulinarya after a couple of grumbles from my stomach. It didn't bother me that I was alone though, and I had my book in tow anyway so I was reading a bit while waiting for my food. My order came, and I was mildly disappointed by how the plating looked. It looked just like a kiddie meal: the boneless chicken just beside the pasta. I just thought that maybe I'm a little too snooty when it comes to food, and what mattered was how it tasted. First, the pasta. Well, it was al dente alright, but the pasta sticked to one another I just wondered, "Can they at least microwave it properly?" It was not that hot, and where was the spinach pesto? Or was it this one dot on the side of the pasta? Again, another minus for me. What redeemed the whole meal was the boneless chicken. It tasted really fabulous, and the meat was cooked just right. I especially liked the sauce poured over it. The wonders of using a little capers! But anyway, I was really expecting more from the resto. But it will not stop me from eating there again and trying out their lamb chops and other dishes.

SUNDAY

Day at home...
I spent the whole day at home, and boy this was a gloomy time for me... All I can say is, I just got to accept the whole of my fiance. Honestly, we were not really in the best of our terms, and so it came to no surprise when we had a huge argument.

Vintage Bazaar
After teetering on whether to go or not to go, I finally decided to go to the Vintage Bazaar together with Enrique's niece, Erica. Dang, I wished I didn't go! Well, partly wish hehehe. Why? because I spent a huge amount again! Anyway, I was only able to buy a Debbie Co black ruffled top and a really nice pair of sandals (with orange and moss green leather straps) by Sapato Manila. Considering that I am trying to save, I'm still very happy I made those purchases. I mean, the Debbie Co top was a unique piece, and it's simply for me (hahaha), and the Sapato sandals are really comfy (though I had a small scrape in the side of my foot, you know still not used to it). The Sapato sandals are well-priced, and are made of real leather.

Brazil! Brazil!
We were sooo hungry after browsing thru all the items in the bazaar, so I treated Erica for dinner at Brazil Brazil. I chose this resto because I wanted to take her to somewhere she hasn;t eaten before. We stuffed ourselves a little too much that we could hardly stand! Hahaha! We even compared as to who had the bigger increase in stomach size (of course, mine). But I was a little shocked with the bill. Wow! Almost PhP 750 bucks, inclusive of those dang evat and service charge! Well, what can we do, eating out nowadays is really a bitch, especially in these kinds of restos, where I believe that the food is very much overpriced, thanks to the evat and all. Oh well.

MONDAY

Lunch at Penang
I met up with my friend for lunch in Greenhills, and we chose to eat in Penang. As usual, we discussed about wedding preps and some rants and all about... you know, life and fiances. Tehehehe. So anyway, after that we strolled for a bit, passing by Our Home and Toy Kingdom. My friend had a major fixation on My Little Pony, and I was a little tempted to buy a Bratz doll that almost looked like me (hahaha!), but we just left the toystore empty-handed. She had to leave because she had a date with her fiance, so I was left alone. And maybe I was meant to because....

Devil Wears Prada!
I was really surprised and my moods really lifted up when I saw that this much-awaited movie (to me at least) was being shown in advance! It was a bugger that I had to wait for 2 hours for the next showing, but I still opted to watch the movie... alone of course. Those 2 hours of waiting was spent in Fully Booked (again, geezh what a bookworm). Anyway, I was really excited and hoped that the movie would be an awesome one... and it was, yipee! I totally loved the clothes, and the story itself was nice. They have altered the story a bit, especially how things turned out in the end, but I think it was better than the book itself. Go Miranda Priestly! Tehehehe.

Chic Happens
While waiting for the movie, I bought the book of Kitty Go, entitled "Chic Happens." This was the follow-up on her controversial first book "When Chic Hits The Fan." Both books are "fictional," according to her, though I think that her characters really portrayed real life celebrities and persons in the social scene. I was mildly disappointed with the second book, as I know that the first book had more juicy stuff (gossip girl hahaha!). But anyway, I'll just borrow from my friend the first book, and I will lend her the second as well.

Anyway, so after all these... was I happy the whole weekend? Actually, no. Until now I am still not that happy. Why? because I know Enrique and I are not really happy at the moment.

*Sigh*

I hope that everything will turn out fine. It has to...

Drama, drama, drama...

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The Secret Is Out!

Finally! The secret is out.... Rosa Mia now knows that her daughter is none other than Dorina Pineda! *Clap Clap Clap*

Sorry, I am so hooked on the telenovela "Bituing Walang Ningning" that sometimes I rethink any dinner dates with my friends, thinking that I might miss a juicy scene. This is the first time I got hooked on a Filipino telenovela, as my own tv world used to only consist of Lifestyle Network, HBO, Star Movies, and all CSI.

Anyway, the story of thie telenovela is a rather old one, as it started out (I think) as a comic series, later on immortalized in the silver screen. I mean, who can ever forget the famous scene where Cherie Gil splashed water on Sharon Cuneta's face after uttering the even more famous line "You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat!"

It's too bad the Angelika dela Cruz, who revived the role of Lavinia, didn't deliver the line with the same snootiness as Cherie Gil, but all the same, it was still a nice scene. And kudos to Sarah Geronimo, who portrayed Dorina pretty well. Although I hope that the directors start using other songs since the current ones are starting to be annoying, as they are just the one being sung over and over and over.

In this telenovela, they have added more characters and more twists, though I hope that they will stay true to the story's ending. And so far, I am loving the scenes and stories. I mean, at least it is better than the old Filipino telenovelas when the contrabidas are too bad to be true and there seemed to be constant cryings, slappings, and the like. I hope that they don't drag the plot too much though, as that would be the beginning of it's downfall, i.e. boring, nakakaumay.

But in the meantime, I'm still happy as a clam. Go Dorina! Tehehehe.

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Dreams Interpreted

I asked my friend Brian to read my post on my nightmares, and he gave me this website... Dream Moods

"I'm Being Chased"
Chase dreams often stem from feelings of anxiety in your walking life. The way we respond to anxiety and pressure in real life is typically manifested as a chase dream. Running is an instinctive response to physical threats in our environment. Often in these dream scenarios, you are being pursued by some attacker, who wants to hurt or possibly kill you. You are running away, hiding, or trying to outwit your pursuer. Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it. Ask yourself who is the one chasing you and you may gain some understanding and insight on the source of your fears and pressure.

The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent a part of yourself. Your own feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, and possibly love, can assume the appearance of threatening figure. You may be projecting these feelings onto the unknown chaser. Next time you have a chase dream, turn around and confront your pursuer. Ask them why they are chasing you. One may be consumed by their own anger, jealousy, love, or self-destructive behavior. For example, you may be drinking too much or exhibiting open hostility toward others around you. You may subconsciously be threatened by these actions which have been jeopardizing your relationships and/or career. Your dreams are a way of calling attention to these self-destructive actions.

A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. Such dreams are more common among women than men, who may feel physically vulnerable in the urban environment. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault in which we are so over-exposed from the media. The violence that the media portrays magnifies our fears and how at risk we all are.

"I'm Flying"
Flying dreams fall under a category of dreams where you become aware that you are dreaming, known as lucid dreaming. Many dreamers have described the ability to fly in their dreams as an exhilarating, joyful, and liberating experience.If you are flying with ease and enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are on top of a situation. You have risen above something. It may also mean that you have gained a different perspective on things. Flying dreams and the ability to control your flight is representative of your own personal sense of power. Having difficulties staying in flight indicates a lack of power in controlling your own circumstances. You may be struggling to stay aloft and stay on course. Things like power lines, trees, or mountains may further obstruct your flight. These barriers represent a particular obstacle or person who is standing in your way in your waking life. You need to identify who or what is hindering you from moving forward.

If you are feeling fear when you are flying or that you feel that you are flying too high, then it suggests that you are afraid of challenges and of success.

In reality, we do not have the ability to fly. Thus such dreams may represent that which is beyond our physical limitations. In your mind, you can be anybody and do anything. Another way of interpreting flying dreams is that these dreams symbolize your strong mind and will. You feel undefeatable and nobody can tell you what you cannot do and accomplish. Undoubtedly these dreams leave you a great sense of freedom.

Fighting Vampires
The vampires in your dream may suggest that you are feeling drained of your life energy and autonomy. In dreaming that you are fighting these vampires, is a literal depiction of your daily struggles with keeping things in order. You may be suffering from exhaustion or feeling overwhelmed in some aspect of your domestic or personal life which explains the tiredness you feel when you wake up.

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Nightmares

Last night, I had two consecutive nightmares, although both ended in somewhat good ways. But what do they mean?

Dream 1
I was a black kid, around 5 years old. I was playing with this other black kid, but he was being rough. In our rough play, he fell down the slope, and he died. As soon as this happened, his tribe went out chasing me. I was running for my life, hiding running, swimming in all know places, always almost getting caught. The chief of that tribe was the one chasing me, and he was really big and powerful. A foreign man helped me hide, but unfortunately that chief killed that man. It was really scary. I ended up hiding in a very old house, where an old lady lived. I was in a corner, and the chief black man was just outside the window. Then the next thing scenario was the old lady was pampering and cleaning up this white baby. And that was me! For some reason i transformed into a white one. The black chief saw me, and was ready to stick this needle in my thigh to kill me, but he couldn't. End of dream 1.


I woke up and thought why do I always have those dreams where I'm being chased all the time? This dream however was "repackaged," as normally my dreams are about me being chased by vampires. The only plus is that I can fly.

So I slept, but then I had another, more sinister dream...

Dream 2
The initial setting was in our old house in Mandaluyong. I was protecting this child from being caught by a group of vampires. I placed a couple of rosaries on her, as well as on me, and got a couple of bottles of holy water and crucifixes. So anyway, I began flying, but I didn't know where to go. The vampires were drawing nearer, and so I had to come up with a plan to kill that chief vampire. In order to kill that vampire, I must lure him to a holy place then the kid I'm protecting will be the one to kill him (she had some special powers, but only in doing this). So I clothed her with a dark cloth, and I rode on top of this special vehicle of this vampire. The chief vampire saw me, and so I just flew as fast as I can, and they started chasing me. They got hold of the map where I'm suppsoed to go, and so they went ahead and plotted ways to kill me. When they arrived in that old sunken church in Tagaytay, the chief ssaid he'll handle it. And so he went inside alone. When that vampire was in that spot where I wished him to be, I struck him hard with a big crucifix. The vampire laughed and said I couldn't kill him because only the child could kill him, and that child was nowhere in sight. Little did he know that I secretly slipped the kid in one of the vampires and when they came to the place, I got hold of her. And so i took the child out, and the child struck him with a crucifix in his left hand. The vampire was pinned to the ground. She struck him again on the right hand, further pinning him down. And lastly, for some reason, the child finally struck him in the middle of the forehead (I thought it was supposedly in the heart). And so the vampire died. End of dream 2.


Whew... those were really scary dreams. Awesome, but scary. I thought both were real!

So what do there dreams mean? I hope someone can tell me, as I'd really want to know.

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Dinner at Burgoo

Last night I had dinner in Burgoo with my former w@wie friends: Jen, Jane, Arlene, and Maricel (plus Maricel's friend Cheggs(?), and Arlene's yaya). It has been a really long time since we last went out to dinner - hectic work, delicate pregnancy, mismatched schedules. But we tried our very best to finally meet up last night.



Anyway, I was really pleasantly surprised with Arlene, our preggy friend. She looked so radiant!!! I wish I could have that same radiance when it's my turn. Although she walked slowly because of her delicate condition, she still looked dang good!

The dinner was really a good meeting of friends. Stories, experiences, updates... *Sigh* it's good to be around these ladies... makes me forget for a while the problems I have...

Anyway, on a lighter note... I bought a book and a magazine to keep me from getting bored over the weekend... Yipee! Hehehe. The last two weeks I've been doing pretty much nothing after work, so I just bought a book in order to keep me preoccupied.

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Just My Luck

Last Friday, I watched the movie Just My Luck (starring La Lohan) with my "niece-in-law" and it was a blast! I had fun watching it, and at least my depression eased out a bit. The movie was a little too impossible though... imagine all your life you've been very lucky, and nothing bad has ever happened to you. But still, we both enjoyed each and every scenario offered by the movie.

While on our way home (hailing a cab again, to no avail. Good thing there’s this cab service), I kept thinking about my life. Was I ever lucky? And if so, did I ever get lucky most of the time, or mostly my life had been a series of mostly unlucky moments rather than lucky ones?

While thinking about the questions I have thought of, I realized that I do have a "charmed" life, a life that I have been taking for granted (just like Lindsay in the movie) and realized it when it was taken away. Well, it's not that my life is so bad right now, but last week weren't the best either.

But like what the movie said, to have luck or "blessings" is just like a wheel, one moment you have it, the next you don't until you have it again. And I have witnessed this over the weekend. I had been having sleepless nights and depression last week because of what happened to me and all, but last weekend, a burden was lifted, thanks to Enrique. He secretly talked to my dad, just to tell him that I'm ok. I don't know, but he was right, after this, I felt fine. He felt fine. His mother felt fine. And also, I have been ranting about hailing cabs and all, that was the "unlucky" part after years of driving my own car. But today, the tide has turned a bit when I was able to drive Enrique's car. I hope that this streak will continue, and that my life will now see bluer skies. And I promise that once my "charmed life" is finally back, I will never take it for granted. And I will always keep in mind what I have always believed in my heart, that all low moments of my life actually lead to better endings.

And also, I believe that all "lucky" moments are not really about luck, but are about blessings.

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Success!

Hah!

After 5 hours of driving lessons over the weekend, I finally used our car to go to the office this morning. Though I stopped about twice, I'm still happy that I reach the office with no accidents and all. YES!

I almost didn't get to bring the car today because just yesterday we found out that the battery got discharged. We thought it got fixed after an hour of turning the engine on. This morning however, the battery finally went dead. I was really disappointed because I was looking forward to driving the car and testing my "newfound" skills. I was about to hail a taxi when our resident mechanic arrived. I was so relieved!

Anyway, what I'm a little worried now is going home. I hope I can pull off another successful attempt in driving that dang manual transmission car. Oh well... I know I can do it!

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Hailing A Taxi Is A Bitch!

Well, at least getting one in Enrique’s place.

It’s the third straight day that I’ve been commuting going to work and coming home, and believe me, getting a cab along Enrique’s street really is impossible! Considering that their street is a main street if you are going to Makati. The first two days, I was plain lucky because in those two instances, the passengers got dropped off along our street. However, today was totally a bugger. I waited for about 30 minutes (same as the first two days), with no luck. And so I took the pedicab going to the Mandaluyiong circle. Fortunately, I was able to get one. Whew!

It’s not that there aren’t any cabs, it’s either the cab has passengers, or the driver doesn’t even stop (though vacant). The other day it was raining really hard, and I had this one chance of hailing one. However, that darn driver said that it’s too traffic going to Makati. HELLO?!? Everyday almost everywhere there’s heavy traffic, what more if it’s raining! And, don;t they feel a little bit more sympathetic to us commuters drenched in the rain waiting for a good soul to transport us? Dang… There really is not much care in this world.

Oh well. Can’t do anything. Two more gruelling days I guess, before I take driving lessons for a manual transmission car. Yup, I only used to drive autuomatic cars, but of course, beggar’s can’t be choosers right? So rather than trying so hard to hail a cab while the car is parked idly, I would prefer taking a 5-hour course over the weekend so I can drive that dang thing next week.

If not, hello new Mazda!

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