In Love and War

It's been almost two weeks since Enrique came back from work, and so far our time together has been fantastic. Of course these first two weeks wasn't as perfect as how we imagined and expected them to be, as pressing challenges came our way. Hey, it's not easy adjusting again to the other's presence, plus add the issues on wedding reparations and house hunting. It's funny that when I saw him the first time again, it felt like he was just gone for a day or two. Time flew by so quickly I didn't notice he was gone for 7 months. Well, I did notice hehehe, but only during the time when I had my own demons to battle.

Our first two weeks together was peppered with arguments, but all in all, I'm still so very glad he's right beside me. And it's such a strange feeling that though only one more month remains before I become his wife, it's as if I have been all this time, from the first time we met.

Aww geesh I'm becoming cheesy again. Forgive me, but at least I am reminding myself again that even though we had a couple of rough spots lately, I am marrying the man I love, the one who I want and need to be with, and no argument would make me change my mind, heart and soul.

Ok.... On to less cheesy things....

We have been scouting for a nice simple place to stay, and we are so happy that we found a temporary home in Dansalan Gardens. It's a 1 bedroom unit, and though it is in a bare state, the lay out of the unit is just lovely and very livable. The owner is also very easy to talk to. Pricey I know, but at least we are assured that it is a safe place to live in.

Funny thing was early this year we were about to purchase a 2-bedroom unit in the new tower currently being constructed, but then we decided to just have a house built next year. Anyway, we picked a unit on the 9th floor. It was really a pleasant surprise when I learned that the unit we will be renting is on the 9th floor (of the old tower) as well. It's a sign!

We have also looked at other places, but we only considered 2 places, one in Dansalan, the other one was in Wack Wack. The unit in Wack Wack is a 1-bedroom unit, and considerably bigger than the one in Dansalan. However, the major drawback was it didn't have provision for a utility area and a space to put our oven. These two were addressed by the unit in Dansalan. And so Dansalan won our hearts. Well, it did way before. :D

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Killing Me Softly

Only one more sleepless night and Enrique is here, and the anticipation is killing me! Finally, after months of being apart, we'll be together again. *Sigh*

One of my friends asked me if I am got tired of waiting for our big day, since I started doing our wedding preparations 1 1/2 years before our date. I told her that I wasn't really bored waiting for our wedding day, because I was more anxious about Enrique coming home. That is a more tedious waiting game for me!

But anyway, our big day is drawing nearer everyday, and I am glad that finally, my other half will be here to help in the preparations. Actually, he will do most of the dirty work starting next week!

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Encore: Sick and Hungry

I knew it.

I shouldn't have gone to work earlier during the week; now I'm suffering from flu relapse. And it's even worse than last week! My whole body is aching, my head is like being split into several pieces, and I'm having chills even though my folks here say it's hot. *Sigh*

So here I am stuck again in my bed. I'm probably beginning to grow roots here. And as usual, I'm watching TV - Lifestyle Network. Food, food, food. I feel hunger whenever I watch the shows, and after "Everyday Italian" I know I have to eat. Well at least I know I'm well compared to my past bouts of flu.

Part of me is really bored out of my wits, but part of me also tells me that I need to rest. Maybe I'm just exerting too much at work that I fail to see the signs of *gasp* stress.

Anyway, I'll just rest and all today. I don't know if I can go to work tomorrow. Part of me wants to, but part of me says no. *Sigh*

Bless me, I hope.

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Sick and Hungry

I've been down with a mean flu for the 3rd day today, and I'm beginning to be depressed already. Sometimes I want spending my spare time for myself, just lounging around my bed, watching TV, reading books and magazines, and just plain resting. But this weekend, I have so many plans, and all of them are shelved because of my current state.

Aside from this, all the shows in Lifestyle Network make me all the more hungry! I've been watching LN since yesterday, and have been salivating over the sumptuous meals prepared by Bobby Flay (aaaah I must have his book "Boy Meets Grill"), Wolfgang Puck, Rachel Ray, etc... It makes me miss Enrique even more: I kept on daydreaming about our new life together, our foodfests, cookfests, etc.

Anyway, I hope that I will get well soon. I don't know, the effect of sickness is really bad. I get all the more depressed, and my thoughts range from ultra-sad to outright morbid. I kept on telling myself, "Van, you gotta be strong. If you're not, one illness that will come during the golden years, and you're outta here." Morbid right? Haha.

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Sleepless in Kapitolyo

The whole night I couldn't sleep, and as I tried to do so, I was wondering why I was experiencing this. I thought of what had happened during the day that might have contributed to this, including what I have eaten and how much water intake did I have. The food I ate was just normal. Sure, I had dinner with two of my friends, but we just ate pasta and the spinach-cheese dip. I drank fairly a good amount of water, and I even drank a glass right before I tried to dose off.

Now on to what happened during the day... My morning started with a call from my beloved, and at first it was a pleasant one. Then it turned into a discussion that ended with an argument about a couple of things: wedding preparations, when he's coming back home, my own work-related problems. The rest of the day was like any normal working day. Then in the late afternoon I went ot Powerplant to meet up with my friends for some shopping and dinner. I ranted about what happened with Enrique, trying to justify my "stand," as well as told them about my work concerns. You know, just to make myself feel better. I even had a little bit of retail therapy on our second round of shopping. I went home quickly to watch Bituing Walang Ningning, then CSI Miami. Normally I fail to finish the episode as its time sched is late (for me at least), but somehow I finished watching it, and even finished the rerun of CSI LV. Then I closed the TV, but couldn't sleep.

I tried really hard, to no avail. I probably dosed off a couple of minutes, but then I get awakened again. I called up Enrique and told him I couldn't sleep. We talked for a while, then he told me to go sleep so I could rest. He reminded me to count cows backwards. And I did. Again, and again, and again. Until early morning came.

I really don't want to experience this again, as I value my sleep so much. Maybe the fact that my other half is away is taking its toll on me already. But what can I do?

*Sigh*

I hope I will shake off this sluggishness I am feeling right now here at the office, and I sure hope I won't fall asleep. Maybe I'll go home early. I don't know.

*Sigh*

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Beaten Black and Blue

While driving on my way home, my boss called me up and told me that Ateneo lost against UST. I was a bit shocked, although for some reason, I was expecting the outcome. I told him... "Ah really... I resign! If that's the reason you called!" And we started laughing. So he told me to just drive safely.

Anyway, yes, it's true, the radio confirmed it that UST won. Ateneo ran out of time for a last shoot, that's what I heard. I was hoping a bit that we will win so there would be a grand celebration again in the field, complete with bands playing, drinks (SMB and Ginebra Gin Blue!) flowing, and lechon baka food fest. Oh well.

Congratulations to UST, they truly are a worthy opponent. I'm not saying they're deserving though. Hehehe. Till next year!

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The Man Who Stayed

"It's emotionally rewarding to be with a person who's excited and happy to be with you. You'll wonder why, in the past, you chose to spend so much of your time with someone who didn't seem so interested."

This was my horoscope for the day, courtesy of the Philippine Star (actually it was a Saturday horoscope but I just read it now). And boy was it meaningful to me.

Some people read horoscopes to find out what future is in store for them. However, I see it not as a tool for fortune-telling, but a tool to help us reflect on our life and pinpoint the moments where we have learned something so that we can put them to good use in the present (or near future).

Take for example the above horoscope for me. It is very timely to read this because last Friday, my friend and I were talking about dealing with men, and when it was my turn to add to our discussion, I focused mainly on the past men that I have admired or had been involved with, and wondered what went wrong or what could have been. But reading the above two sentences makes me realize that I shouldn't be wondering about the couldas, wouldas, and shouldas. I should be celebrating more the fact that I am with someone who is so passionately in love with me, the same way that I am so passionately in love with him.

It is indeed emotionally rewarding for me to be in this relationship. Before, I was in constant uncertainty and fear that my relationship will end sooner than I hoped (and they did!), that I feared that my current squeeze will eventually lose interest in me. Of course I experienced emotional highs with them, but with more emotional lows, especially during the days nearing the doomsday. Other than my past relationships were my past "non-relationships," the times when I just admired from afar, because I know we didn't really match or the guy didn't give a hoot. And those felt terrible too, trying to be aloof but deep inside wanting to be with that person.

And now, I am with someone who I know loves me and REALLY wants to be with me. Someone who in my bleakest days proved to be the one inspiration for me to move on and continue the fight. It's true, what he told me last night as I ranted to him about beginning to be depressed because I only have a book and a candle to accompany me. He told me that I should see him in the candle (and the other way around too), that when I experience the darkest moments, just like the candle, he will bring me "light" and comfort. *Sigh*

So I guess I am "fulfilling" what the horoscope said. Yes, it makes me wonder why I spent much of my time and effort with someone who didn't have the same passion towards me. But then again, I will never regret all of those. My experiences with the Mr. Wrongs of my life helped me realize my capacity to love and get back to my feet after a hard fall. Those experiences helped me realize that I am truly blessed to be with the man who, in two months, will stand by the altar and wait for me.

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