Commitophobia

Ever since I realized the wonderful effects of romance in one's life, I have been pining over my Prince Charming. Just like what Snow White kept on singing by the well, "Someday my Prince will come." Whenever I pray to God, I never wished for success and material things as much as I wished for somebody to be there to be with, for me to love, and to love me. For the past years I have been in and out of relationships (real and imaginary) because my weird-factor spooked the heck out of men. And throughout these years I have continually prayed for a man who will love me as I am. I mean, hey, there must be something good in me! And so I dated, fell in love, got my heart broken, stopped dating, met someone, fell in love, got my heart broken. The cycle just kept on and on and on.

Then came Enrique. Having undergone a really traumatic past relationship, I told myself that this guy will not be as lucky as the others, and it definitely will not be easy for him to "win me over," even though I seriously like him. I told myself that he's just like the others, who will try make me fall in love, then when the going gets tough, it's bye-bye time.

Yet this man shows nothing but concern, care, patience, and well, love. I know it's too soon to tell, but I could really sense that he really is sincere.

Then came the phone issue. I suggested to him to get the platinum plan so that it would be less costly for him to call me, not to mention that a free P900 will be given to me, hehehehe. He then told me, "Sure, get one, put it under your name since I cannot get one right now, and give me your bank account number and will remit to you money every month to pay for the bill." I suddenly felt uneasy. I tried to make an excuse to myself not to do it by thinking that hey, he might not pay me at all, or if ever things get sour, the payment stops (and the plan is a two-year contract). But then I realized that this is not what I'm scared of. I am not scared of being tied to the platinum plan. I am scared of the thought of being tied to him for two years. What made me think of that was the time when he joked me, "So, you'll be tied to me for 2 years, is that a probationary period before the real thing? (laughs) Well, we have something conjugal."

It sounded funny, it sounded cute, even cheesy. But as soon as I put the phone down, I felt more bothered. I know, I have always asked for someone who will trust me, accept me as I am, and love me. And now this guy comes along who does all three, and here I am all spooked. What is my problem???

Then I realized that I am probably afraid of real commitment. Here is a guy who is serious about me, and I am afraid to commit. My officemates tell me that I prefer bad boys who will not take me seriously. I couldn't help but wonder, is this true? Or is it simply this: I do not love Enrique enough, yet.

But whatever my issues are right now, I am quite certain that he is the Prince Charming that I have long been waiting for. I am just probably too paranoid that just like the others, he will leave me in the end. But I shouldn't worry that much. All I have to do is chill and enjoy what is happening right now. And as to the platinum plan? Hello P900!