2 More Days, Plus Some Thoughts

After today, I only have two more working days before I finally become a stay-at-home Mom. Along with excitement, there is still this feeling of uncertainty that I may probably have to deal with for quite some time.

You see, as the day passes by, I get to have these thoughts of "what ifs"

• if i work, then more savings
• if i work, easier /earlier for us to get a vacation house
• if i work, more travel out of the country
• if i work, earlier for us to fully pay our amortization expenses
• if i work, bags bags bags...

But then I realize that these are just material ambitions that we don't really need. I mean, in ten or fifteen years time, what would I want to say?

1. I have succeeded in moving up and reaching my career goals?
2. I have succeeded in having these...?
3. I am proud to say that i have raised my child and have made a home for my family, including my husband who works abroad most of the time?

It is very easy for me to say that No. 3 for me is the most ideal, but i also cannot deny the fact that there is still this part of me that wants material success. I mean, hello, why is it that I want to study further (and "work" part-time in another field) or planning to have our own business , or I have been checking out how to earn money in other ways (e.g. online)?

Is it because I have been "disciplined" or "raised" to think that everyone should earn a living, or at least I should not be financially dependent on my husband?

These questions will probably be left unanswered for quite some time, but all i can say is I am confident that I am ready to take in this new chapter of my life.

Funny, my dream last night was that I had this farewell party where representatives of my previous companies (including my current) were present. Funnier still, there were even doctors who were present, asking me why i didn't push through with my original plan of taking up medicine. Meaningful dream, noh?