Not Enough?

There are times when I feel that I'm not doing good as a Mom, that I'm not taking care of my little angel as much as I wanted to. That I am not as patient as I should be. That I am not as affectionate as I thought I was. I always think of this whenever I see my baby playing all by herself. I see her figure, I see how curious she is with the potatoes and the garlic and the onions (yes, she loves holding them and playing with them... chef in the making?), I see her "talk" to herself. I feel that I fail as Mom whenever she gets my finger, pulls me to go with her somewhere, but I tell her "Eanna, Mama is tired right now, go to Papa first." I go with her anyway, which makes my eyes teary-eyed because she brings me to her room, points at her horsey-horse, asking me to carry her so she can ride at her favorite toy.

She is such an active tot that at times I can't keep up with her. She doesn't seem like her age (1 year 4 months) because she already knows what she wants (more of what she DOESN'T WANT), and has a mind of her own. She doesn't like to be fed, she only eats what she wants. And when I do get a tiny opportunity to feed her, she takes the food out of her mouth, checks it out, then takes it back in. When we go out, she likes to look at things, likes to go inside shops she finds intersting (yes, even if I won't go inside, she would), picks her favorite loot in the department store, then head towards the cashier, tries to put her loot in the counter as if she'd pay for it. She doesn't even like other people holding our things (she cried when she saw my sister borrow my bag, and cried when she saw that our maintenance staff helped me carry our grocery bags - while she was crying she was holding on to the bags!). She runs like crazy, dances like crazy (her favorite song is Forever by Chris Brown), and sings like crazy (especially during Mass).

It makes me depressed to think I may not be a Mommy material. I have long wished to become a Mom, and I'm so happy that I have a gorgeous little human being/angel/goddess God has blessed me with. But I feel so inadequate. I feel that I should be doing more. I love my baby so much, and yet I don't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe I'm just burned out because of a lot of things, mainly because of work. Maybe my depression is back and so I couldn't function well. But I fully know my priorities. Eanna. Enrique. Probably in that order (hahaha). *Sigh*