Sick and Overwhelmed

Now I am the one sick. And it is doubly hard because I have to take care of the house, what to eat, and of course, I have to attend to my very demanding daughter. It is a bit overwhelming right now and to describe myself as emo is such an understatement.

I am very frustrated right now. Frustrated that my daughter is not as disciplined as I thought she was. She demands everything to be done and done quickly. I have changed the DVD in the player over a hundred times just because she wanted to. I could not help but shout and cry in despair. Why is she like this? And at this time when it's just her and me here. No helper, no yaya, no husband. And oh yeah, she as sick yesterday and now I am the one who got her sickness.

I am frustrated with myself too with all the negative feelings inside me now. I see myself as a failure. I can't even let my daughter brush her teeth. And she doesn't allow me to brush hers. And now even when she smiles at me I can't seem to shake off the disappointment that brewed.

I don't know why I'm so negative right now, and it's not helping. I can feel my spirit and body gasping for air and my health is failing me. Of all days when I should be in tip top shape.

Is my spirit's flame dying? Am I succumbing to the world of despair and hopelessness? I haven't even laughed today, not even smiled. It was an early start, 4 am. Last night lots of things were playing inside my head, I couldn't sleep. I half-shut my eyes at almost midnight, only to be awoken every hour to tend to my daughter. I haven't slept today, because my heart, mind, and soul feel troubled.

Goodness, I can't believe I am so negative. Welcome to the other side of me.