Oct 1, 2006

The Man Who Stayed

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"It's emotionally rewarding to be with a person who's excited and happy to be with you. You'll wonder why, in the past, you chose to spend so much of your time with someone who didn't seem so interested."

This was my horoscope for the day, courtesy of the Philippine Star (actually it was a Saturday horoscope but I just read it now). And boy was it meaningful to me.

Some people read horoscopes to find out what future is in store for them. However, I see it not as a tool for fortune-telling, but a tool to help us reflect on our life and pinpoint the moments where we have learned something so that we can put them to good use in the present (or near future).

Take for example the above horoscope for me. It is very timely to read this because last Friday, my friend and I were talking about dealing with men, and when it was my turn to add to our discussion, I focused mainly on the past men that I have admired or had been involved with, and wondered what went wrong or what could have been. But reading the above two sentences makes me realize that I shouldn't be wondering about the couldas, wouldas, and shouldas. I should be celebrating more the fact that I am with someone who is so passionately in love with me, the same way that I am so passionately in love with him.

It is indeed emotionally rewarding for me to be in this relationship. Before, I was in constant uncertainty and fear that my relationship will end sooner than I hoped (and they did!), that I feared that my current squeeze will eventually lose interest in me. Of course I experienced emotional highs with them, but with more emotional lows, especially during the days nearing the doomsday. Other than my past relationships were my past "non-relationships," the times when I just admired from afar, because I know we didn't really match or the guy didn't give a hoot. And those felt terrible too, trying to be aloof but deep inside wanting to be with that person.

And now, I am with someone who I know loves me and REALLY wants to be with me. Someone who in my bleakest days proved to be the one inspiration for me to move on and continue the fight. It's true, what he told me last night as I ranted to him about beginning to be depressed because I only have a book and a candle to accompany me. He told me that I should see him in the candle (and the other way around too), that when I experience the darkest moments, just like the candle, he will bring me "light" and comfort. *Sigh*

So I guess I am "fulfilling" what the horoscope said. Yes, it makes me wonder why I spent much of my time and effort with someone who didn't have the same passion towards me. But then again, I will never regret all of those. My experiences with the Mr. Wrongs of my life helped me realize my capacity to love and get back to my feet after a hard fall. Those experiences helped me realize that I am truly blessed to be with the man who, in two months, will stand by the altar and wait for me.

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