Love-Hate

Love it. Hate it.

This is my current relationship with my job.

The week that was and this week were two terrible weeks when it comes to my work stuff, and I came this close to quitting my precious job and be content with being a housewife to be. So many challenges faced our fleet, and these had to do with being compassionate with our seafarers' personal requests. I just wonder if other shipping companies are like this to their own seafarers. But anyway, satisfaction was there when the jobs were completed, and we breathed a little easier yesterday.

However, knowing I'm the type of person who thinks and believes that stress causes cancer cells to form, I am still in doubt whether all these stress-inducing scenarios are still worth it. And I know for sure that these incidents will occur over and over again in different forms and gravity, I'm suddenly feeling insecure, that maybe I won't be able to handle things properly in the future, when my patience to my work runs out. Part of me wants to let go of this job, but another part of me doesn't want. Why? 1) I still want to earn my own keep 2) I don't want to rely on Enrique that much 3) I want to help with our finances 4) my job is a "noble" job.

Yep. When I think about it, my job is indeed a noble job. I get satisfied and happy because I know that by doing my job and doing it well, I help in securing work (ergo finance) to our fellow Filipino seafarers. It pains me whenever one crew failed his medical examination thus cannot be hired. It pains me when a crew has to go home because of family problems. It hurts when somebody gets injured and has to be repatriated back home. These things pain me because I know that most likely they are the breadwinners of their families, and without work times will be hard for most of them.

At least I know that somehow I am living up to the "Man for Others" principle taught in college.

Heck. Now I am starting to like my job again. I intended to write something to justify why I should quit my job. But now, I remember again the reasons why in the first place I accepted this work when I was psyched to become a housewife.

Oh well.

Again...

Love it. Hate it.