Lately I have professed that I am single by choice, and I didn't have any qualms about it until the time when parents of my brother's basketball team decided to celebrate the team's perfect sweep to the championship at a bar-grill. When my brothers asked if they could go with us, my dad said, "Only parents are going." When my brother eyed me quizzically, my dad added, "Parents and old-maids." Huh? Was he referring to me? He always joked about me being an "old maid" but I didn't really bother since I was secretly seeing someone and too much in love that we always thought of marrying in a year's time. However this latest joke of his stung like a scorpion's sting. I had every reason to mind it - I recently got burned, there are no potential prospects and back-ups, and worse, I am not even dating nor in the mood to do so! It's unfair! I can't possibly be tagged as one, for the simple reason that I am still young. Or, am I really that overdue?
I know my grandmother married at a very young age of 17, and my parents got hitched when they were both 20 years old. I truly believe I don't really have to continue this legacy, but something in me just nags and constantly asks, "When will you settle down? Will you ever get married?" People say that I'm still too young to pressure myself with these questions. But why is this issue of married vs. single hovering around my room like the ghosts of Christmas? As I lounge lazily on my bed with caviar and Skyflakes on one hand, a Pellegrino on the other, I begin to wonder, "These days, what is the ideal marrying age for a woman?"
Sometime back I had dinner with a good friend of mine, someone who was often described as a frank, speak-your-mind, career woman. When I asked her about her future plans with her long-time boyfriend, i.e. wedding bells and frosted cakes, my daydream of having an outfit done soon by Dennis Lustico disappeared when she casually replied, without batting an eyelash, "Oh, at least 15 years from now." Asked why, her famous reply was "I want to have more than a million in my bank account first, and have my own house first before I even think of settling down." If I were to think that way, and considering how I blow my savings account in exchange of dangling earrings, shoes, and clothes, I might as well bid goodbye to family life and accept being labeled as "Spinster."
Ok, so maybe, she is really just a steadfast career-first type of woman, and I'm a whining shopaholic.
When I had a checkup with my gynecologist - a childhood friend of my mom, she asked if I had a boyfriend and when I plan to get married. Then she said: you don't have to wait to be 100% financially stable, once you have found a person you believe is the "One." I understood this as, "you only have a limited supply of eggs dear, and given your condition, don't marry late unless you want to adopt a child."
Other women who I've talked to were a bit on the side of "destiny" - that there really is one person for you or that you are destined to be single. Still, I heard some people opine that women should marry early in their twenties with men who are in their thirties or so, because early twenties is the ideal age for pregnancy and childbirth, and the man being in their thirties would probably be more financially stable and mature than young ones (hmm, what a thought! I know some men bumming and they’re in their late thirties!)
So, it all boils down to money, maturity level, physical / biological considerations, finding the "right person" (family for some), and priorities. But seriously, do you really have to have a fat bank account in order to get married these days? Do you really have to be ultra-sure of the person you are with? How sure are you that you are emotionally and mentally ready for that long-term commitment? Or is it really a matter of destiny?
I know a couple who got married early and didn't have enough cash to begin with, but I see them very happy with each other. I know someone who is so financially stable, yet there is no one at all. That person is already 42 years of age. I had an officemate who got married after dating the guy for just three months (no preggy issues here!).
Maybe most of the people I have talked to are right, that I shouldn't pressure myself about this. Maybe what the message of my favorite movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" makes sense, that one must be patient because things will come in good time for each person. That what is important is you just keep on moving on and let things come, for, as what others say, "God shows you the way, and you may be just be too busy following your own plan."
When I was in college, I told myself that I want to get married at 25, 26 the latest. Reason being is that I want to enjoy my kids as they grow up (really!). With the rate I'm going, there is no way I am going to meet that target of mine. Yet after my soul-searching and a couple of cosmopolitans, I am now convinced more than ever that yes, this marriage issue will come in good time, and that for the moment I truly am single by choice. People may joke around that I might be an old maid if I don't do something about my current situation. Sure, sometimes these jokes put me into deep thought about where my life is going, if I am doing something wrong, or if I am really "destined" to be single-blessed. I may not fully know the right answers for these questions. I may not have a definite answer to my first question about the ideal age after hearing what people had to say about it. But one thing is for sure: I am not an old maid... At least not yet.
