Am I taking care of myself properly? Am I eating the right kind of food? Do I exercise as often as needed? Or do I really need to exercise?
For singles: is it by choice or circumstantial? If by choice, why? If circumstantial, will I ever meet someone who I can be committed to? For those in a relationship: Am I with the right person? When do I marry? Or do I have to marry him/her?
Am I growing up too slow? Or am I growing up too fast? Why do I feel so tired of waking up and facing the day?
Am I in the right job? Do I have enough funds or am I saving too little? Am I splurging too much? Am I spending or investing wisely?
Do I spend enough time with people who are important to me? Do I spend quality time with myself?
Is there really a God? Why can't I see His relevance in my life? Am I doing something to save my soul? Actually, do I have to even think of these things?
If you have pondered on some or all of these questions and you are not yet even in the thirties age range, chances are, you might be experiencing the Quarter-life Crisis, a lesser extent of the famous "midlife crisis." I have heard of this term from an old friend of mine who wrote an article about it at a time when he probably felt the most confused, troubled, and exhausted by what life seemed to offer him. When I read it, at first I was like, "How cynical," and "Well too bad you have already burned yourself out, it's your fault you feel that way anyway." I was 23 back then. I felt very optimistic, enjoying every little or big things that happened in my everyday dealings. Everything seemed like a toast of bubbly, a little (or a lot of!) jiggle of my martini dance. Things came and went, relationships bloomed and withered. Que sera sera! Young hearts run free!
But now that I'm turning a year older soon, I may be feeling all the things that my friend wrote.
It just felt different all of a sudden. When a relationship ended recently, questions like "Am I destined to be single as I jokingly predicted before?" popped inside my head. When my friends' ideas of gimmicks were having dinner and activities that don't reach the Cinderella time, I wondered, "I still want my at-least-once-a-week lychee martini clinks. Am I growing up too slowly?" And then I began to miss those glorious nights of non-stop disco lights and bar-hopping. Before sleeping, I used to daydream about Orlando Bloom and sleep soundly while donning a fabulous grin. Now, streams of thoughts about my job - why am I in that specific industry and where my career is heading to – lullaby me to a melancholic sleep.
I am by no means a cynic or a pessimist or whatever angst-driven description that I can be tagged as. Friends actually consider me as a very optimistic, carefree soul with a child-like (some say childish) view in life. But there are moments when I also ask myself if I am being like this because I sincerely see the goodness in even the minutest of life’s details and landscapes, or is it only because I shield myself from the complexities and difficulties of life?
What is this so-called Quarter-life Crisis, and although it was reality to my good old friend, is it a reality to other people? It may be correct to describe this phase as a time when one begins to seriously think of the misfortunes, drab days, and failures more than the successful and joyous events. It may be a moment, be it a passing moment or an extended state of mind, when you wonder where you are steering your life's ship and if you are steering towards the right way. This is probably the time when existential questions we never really bothered asking or taken seriously during college Philosophy and/or Theology nag us in all directions. And that lastly, it may be the time when you feel you’ve lost your spark.
Yet, I believe that the spark of life should never leave one's being. Some of us may be experiencing this quite troublesome stage, but being the ever-optimistic self again, I believe that this phase should be acknowledged and used to one's advantage. This so-called "stage" in one's life can actually be the most dynamic, for this is probably the best time to explore what life has to offer and what one can fulfill in terms of personal and relationship matters. You can pull off clothes and accessories that you know you can never get away when you’re fifty. Traveling to new places can give you bursts of wonder and awe. New hobbies like diving can be discovered and become your passion, to the point that you eventually ask yourself "Why haven't I done this before?" Helping a charity organization you believe in and volunteer in their activities can elate you - celebrating your birthday with street children can be a start. Reconnecting with your family members and initiating family activities can lead to stronger ties. Knowing, understanding, and living your faith can help you prioritize and find meaning that you are deeply looking and longing for. Establish your identity as an independent person! Those existential questions can be put to good use as tools to reflect, evaluate and determine what you really want out of life.
Times may often be rough and seem meaningless, but remember this: never be in despair - a state of being that I personally call living hell. Maybe we just have to put things in perspective and not allow ourselves to be beaten by it. Those who are beaten by these "mean reds" - as Holly Golightly calls it - may not be dead. They might just be existing, not living. What is the difference? Only you can determine and feel it.
For singles: is it by choice or circumstantial? If by choice, why? If circumstantial, will I ever meet someone who I can be committed to? For those in a relationship: Am I with the right person? When do I marry? Or do I have to marry him/her?
Am I growing up too slow? Or am I growing up too fast? Why do I feel so tired of waking up and facing the day?
Am I in the right job? Do I have enough funds or am I saving too little? Am I splurging too much? Am I spending or investing wisely?
Do I spend enough time with people who are important to me? Do I spend quality time with myself?
Is there really a God? Why can't I see His relevance in my life? Am I doing something to save my soul? Actually, do I have to even think of these things?
If you have pondered on some or all of these questions and you are not yet even in the thirties age range, chances are, you might be experiencing the Quarter-life Crisis, a lesser extent of the famous "midlife crisis." I have heard of this term from an old friend of mine who wrote an article about it at a time when he probably felt the most confused, troubled, and exhausted by what life seemed to offer him. When I read it, at first I was like, "How cynical," and "Well too bad you have already burned yourself out, it's your fault you feel that way anyway." I was 23 back then. I felt very optimistic, enjoying every little or big things that happened in my everyday dealings. Everything seemed like a toast of bubbly, a little (or a lot of!) jiggle of my martini dance. Things came and went, relationships bloomed and withered. Que sera sera! Young hearts run free!
But now that I'm turning a year older soon, I may be feeling all the things that my friend wrote.
It just felt different all of a sudden. When a relationship ended recently, questions like "Am I destined to be single as I jokingly predicted before?" popped inside my head. When my friends' ideas of gimmicks were having dinner and activities that don't reach the Cinderella time, I wondered, "I still want my at-least-once-a-week lychee martini clinks. Am I growing up too slowly?" And then I began to miss those glorious nights of non-stop disco lights and bar-hopping. Before sleeping, I used to daydream about Orlando Bloom and sleep soundly while donning a fabulous grin. Now, streams of thoughts about my job - why am I in that specific industry and where my career is heading to – lullaby me to a melancholic sleep.
I am by no means a cynic or a pessimist or whatever angst-driven description that I can be tagged as. Friends actually consider me as a very optimistic, carefree soul with a child-like (some say childish) view in life. But there are moments when I also ask myself if I am being like this because I sincerely see the goodness in even the minutest of life’s details and landscapes, or is it only because I shield myself from the complexities and difficulties of life?
What is this so-called Quarter-life Crisis, and although it was reality to my good old friend, is it a reality to other people? It may be correct to describe this phase as a time when one begins to seriously think of the misfortunes, drab days, and failures more than the successful and joyous events. It may be a moment, be it a passing moment or an extended state of mind, when you wonder where you are steering your life's ship and if you are steering towards the right way. This is probably the time when existential questions we never really bothered asking or taken seriously during college Philosophy and/or Theology nag us in all directions. And that lastly, it may be the time when you feel you’ve lost your spark.
Yet, I believe that the spark of life should never leave one's being. Some of us may be experiencing this quite troublesome stage, but being the ever-optimistic self again, I believe that this phase should be acknowledged and used to one's advantage. This so-called "stage" in one's life can actually be the most dynamic, for this is probably the best time to explore what life has to offer and what one can fulfill in terms of personal and relationship matters. You can pull off clothes and accessories that you know you can never get away when you’re fifty. Traveling to new places can give you bursts of wonder and awe. New hobbies like diving can be discovered and become your passion, to the point that you eventually ask yourself "Why haven't I done this before?" Helping a charity organization you believe in and volunteer in their activities can elate you - celebrating your birthday with street children can be a start. Reconnecting with your family members and initiating family activities can lead to stronger ties. Knowing, understanding, and living your faith can help you prioritize and find meaning that you are deeply looking and longing for. Establish your identity as an independent person! Those existential questions can be put to good use as tools to reflect, evaluate and determine what you really want out of life.
Times may often be rough and seem meaningless, but remember this: never be in despair - a state of being that I personally call living hell. Maybe we just have to put things in perspective and not allow ourselves to be beaten by it. Those who are beaten by these "mean reds" - as Holly Golightly calls it - may not be dead. They might just be existing, not living. What is the difference? Only you can determine and feel it.
